Jonathan May Die Next Year

President Jonathan was yesterday rushed to the hospital in a critical health condition when he fell off his seat in the office while seeping a tea suspected to be poisoned.

          A kitchen aid and other staff on duty on the day suspected to be the accomplice in cohort with other presidential officials were immediately arrested and whiskered away to the undisclosed destination.

          Since he assumed power president Jonathan has severally accused some of his staff of envy and jealousy against his position. This is because of breach of power zoning system agreement that the president denied his opponents which they felt was their due and the president used the power of his office as an acting president to block their way. “Since he became president, we began to see suspicious movements among the devil staff.” Said a close associate and kitchen cabinet member to the president while talking to the reporters who crowded the presidency shortly after the incident.

          President Jonathan succeeded his former boss following his demise shortly after his election in 2010 as a president National Association of Nigerian Thieves (NANIT) resulting Jonathan as acting president of the association before he got elected president of the association the following year.

          President Jonathan, who was taken to the presidential hospital in concussion and paralyzed state, was later revealed to be rocked by a sudden heart attack and hyper-critical blood pressure while taking his breakfast.

          A physician to the president, Dr. Alawo Dikko  said that the president was bedeviled by cardiac and crepuscular diseases that have been debilitating his capacity  following the razing tension and anxiety that stormed the atmosphere during and after 2011 election. To lessen his fragile condition Dr. Dikko said “I always advise the president not take hot drink because it will exacerbate his condition. And if he continues to flout medical prescription, he would only last next year.” Said Dr. Dikko a physician to the president.

          While briefing newsmen in Abuja yesterday, the spokesperson of the association said that all the suspected detainees would soon be released since the truth was uncovered, adding that the president would also be soon transferred to another hospital abroad for intensive medical care as his condition is getting degenerated.