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Tuesday 5 August 2014

On Another Planet

On Another Planet

By
Abubakar  Sulaiman Muhd (c)
alfalancy@yahoo.com

The students stuffed in a spacious theatre room of the university few minutes before the lecture began. The hall was among the first buildings erected during the construction of the versity years in the past. It was amphitheatrical round hall decorated with traditional royal arch of the Palace. Initially the arch was from the ancient Hausa architecture slanting from across four angles of the room and met at the high center to support the muddy roof as a bulwark against any possible attack from heavy rain or howling wind.

The students were mostly fresh except for those from the levels ahead and others who came from other departments. Words from the predecessors about the lecturer had been passed to them sometimes before their coming to the college in the course of discussion with former students. From the words they obtained they were told his classes were crowded, and unlike other lecturers’, happy and cheerful. He introduced new knowledge that left many feeling totally ignorant for the first time after undergoing rigorous earlier learning.

 “Which course, Philosophy or History?” a friend would ask.

“No, Anthropology.”

“Whatever is it, you’re going to meet one Professor teaching Philosophy, he’s very interesting.”  Referring to one Professor Kassim Yahaya. He was smart and intelligent, geek among the college community for his braniacs. Well known among all the faculties and departments for his ingenuity in various fields of learning. Nobody could specifically tell a single department he permanently taught. He had studied Science Education during his undergraduate studies and proceeded to bag Masters in History and Philosophy of Science, Ph, D in Mysticism, Divinity and Modern Physics, and Professorship in Archeology and Ancient Science. His deepest interest in scholarship allowed him to read other courses such as Anthropology, Astrology Iconography and Ancient Media. He was also a full tenured Professor in Parapsychology, History, and Linguistics, and had read much more about Classics. He taught Evolution of Science, Metaphysical Science, Greco-Roman Mythology and Occult Symbology. Specializing in Neural and Computational Linguistic, he ended up spearheading various research teams where they came up with lot of contributions in Artificial intelligence. He was a legend among the circus of academia. Having received more than fifty-eight honorary degrees across the network of colleges and universities all over the world, and seats in the Board of Directors in as many as twenty corporations, scores of academic publications, many students wondered, mouth agape, arms akimbo, when they saw him walking across the campus after they had heard words severally about him, his works and achievements. “This is the Professor,” they gossiped softly, pointing fingers towards his direction hoping that he didn’t hear.

A highly respected figure among his colleagues. While other lecturers began to fidget in the presence of the Vice Chancellor, this man had the tendency of challenging the VC on issues they had different views. “Look VC, I can only do that if the university would give some little allowance.” He spoke to the VC boldly.

Terrible one, an office assistant fidgeted in reverence knowing that no staff could dare to attempt such move. Arguing with VC, according to the perception of especially guards and clerical staff was a mistake only new recruits could make that would cause an immediate termination of his contracts.

Not like some lecturers who were very unsociable, Professor Kassim was always charming and gregarious who hung around with his students. Students and lecturers had often remained shot by surprise when they found him chatting with his students, laughing and cheering as if among his fifty-eight-year-old peers. “Wow! my guys,” he cheered, offering his palm for loud excited slap fashionable among adolescents only.

He had no restriction as to the time his students would visit his office. Some students were deadly afraid to approach their lecturers for complaint even on their missing tests. “Yes, come in,” a knock on his door by some students. “Any problem?” His door was always open.

“Oh, sir it is about the test. We were not around when you did it last week. That day our car got punctured on the way here.” It was an open test he usually did to try the intelligence of his young students. After delivering the lecture to the students and gave them the hints and reference about the main points and subject matter, he would then return one day to do the test, and that day some four young men were not around.

“Test,” he shouted as he got into the class. Some students felt jittery on hearing the word. Bad day. “ What is big deal in it?” he said, “If I were you I would be battling with not what to write, not what to write.”  He would be battling with the gush of ideas to select the best of them not battling to find the points to write. “It’s no big deal,” he said after he realized the fear and nervousness that gripped many faces. “You can open your books; go to any library, state library if you like in as much as you won’t stay longer than thirty minutes. You can even go out and ask any bloody lecturer you feel like.” Faces smiling, books flipping open.

“But remember, no A-grade in my course, not at all.” He shook his head. He was known as a crossbridge behind his back, a phrase he constantly used to denote failure to a student.

“Why sir?” one girl ventured already her book open on her lap. “We did the lecture here and it’s the same idea we would bring back, why can’t we get good marks.”

“Of course I did it here, but one miracle is this whatever I teach here I go to my office and set the questions and attempt to answer them myself. But do you know what happens in the end?” Eyes poured on him, “I could not score more than forty marks out of the total five questions.” Very bad, it was D-grade, pass. I still could make it, some of them thought. “The problem is that, it’s only I that can get these marks. Others will only end up scoring not more than thirty marks, which is the highest they could earn.” He said emphatically. 

The four students were seated on the chairs and asked if he could do the test. “Why not if you’re ready.” Two days earlier before they came for the test, they had buried themselves in books reading all the topics they had expected questions might appear.

“Yes sir, we are ready.” They chorused happily.

“The three of you should go out,” they went leaving only one person in. They would answer different questions, individually.

“Sir, I wish I were in the class when you did the test, I would have performed wonderfully, only for the problem.” The first guy was flattering to prove the lecturer he understood his course very well so that he could win his mercy considering their excuse. The guy had been yanking a sheet of foolscap from his folder to start writing the answer.

“Where did the car get the problem?” The lecturer asked.

 “Kofar Nassararwa,” the guy replied, while writing his reg number on the top of the sheet.

“Which angle of the wheel got punctured?” The lecturer asked.

“Front tire sir, the left side.” He was expecting questions but then he just realized their conversation was shifting to be the test. Were these the questions, simple, everyone could answer them, he thought.

“Alright, finished.”

The guy moved to go but the lecturer said, “where are you going? remain seated.” The Prof stood for the door to call another person to answer his questions.   Immediately the guy sitting realized their mistakes. The lecturer was more intelligent than they had ever thought to outsmart him.

“Where did you say the car got punctured?” he queried the second student now sitting on another chair. The urging to communicate few words of what had transpired was prodding in the first guy. Kofar Nassarawa, he felt like whispering. But impossible the lecturer was watching him closely, and his friend had no idea what the questions were all about.

He stopped shut for some while, completely lost of how to get the correct answer. Not knowing what to say, the second guy volunteered, “Fagge Sir.” Good, one big lie, a totally different area. The lecturer shot a glance to the first student, you see a pure lie, the look said.  

“And which side of the wheel,” the Professor shot again.

“Right side, from the back.” The Professor pinned the first guy with a piercing look.

“Alright, it’s over.”

The third guy came in. “Where were you when the car punctured?” The two exchanged suspicious looks as the Prof fired. The guy scratched his head in serious meditation to get the idea Prof was talking about. He had foggeton they told Prof earlier that their car got punctured on their way to school on that day.

Actually...sir...hm... he muttered eyeing his friends for some assisitance.

“He’s lost, any idea?” The Prof intervened when he found out pairs of three eyes locked to each other, “help him.” The first two were now sweating.

“Hm…Kabuga sir,” he said when help came in the end. One of them had been egging him on with some mouthing but mistakenly he lip-read what his friend was attempting to tell. Why didn’t you tell me what’s going on in here before I came? He agitated by hand gestures.

“And which tire?”

“Left, back.” He said very uncertain.

“Good,” Professor said, eyeing them all guardedly. Kofar Nassarawa, Fagge and now Kabuga, tires from three different angles; front left, right back and yet left back again got punctured in different places in a car carrying the same people, and at the same time. Mad.

“Tell me which place were you the car punctured?” the fourth guy was in already.

“Aminu kano Way,” speaking confidently in an event that turned out totally dramatically laughable verbal irony. “I was even trying to phone you but my phone ran out of power,” he went on. Powerful force of laughter was surging forth the minds of the other guys. They struggled to stifle it but couldn’t help when their eyes matched Professor’s.

“And…”

“And what…?” The Prof cut him shot hedging laughter too, “It’s enough here.”

“This is your test; grade yourselves based on your performances.” He shrugged flippantly. He was a bit dramatic, now they realized they and their intelligence were being played here.

“Why didn’t you organize your words before you came?” The Prof said sarcastically. Until the Professor talked them to leave they were unable to get their faces uncovered with shame. “You can go.”

He was liberal and did anything that made up ninety percent of his life this way. While some lecturers frowned their faces to earn students’ respect, this man was always welcoming. “You can come in,” he said when a student came late. “Why not allowing you in, come and trade your ignorance and I will buy it with knowledge.” They could only drink little from this vast ocean.  Every student was completely at home to act and ask anything he wanted, even in a silly, rude way. But the crossbridge phrase kept them away from daring that. Students could possibly pass his course despite his stingy marks but he had another way of punishing anybody who turned out rude. If a student offended him the Prof would not let him know. He won’t let the student have the impression of being worthy failing his course, it was a favor. He would simply be boiling him in cool water. That student would never fail his course but the Prof would connive with other people that the student could not make meaning why he failed. He would simply go underground and seek the cooperation of his colleagues.

“Dr. Isa, please one girl offering your course…the one usually in purple, tall ...driving in ash car…” giving her description, “fail her, don’t allow her cross the bridge.” It was from this the christen originated.

“Alright…no problem. I have one guy offering your course; I want to have him failed.” He too would lodge his request in exchange.

After the result came out the target students would just see they had passed his course, the one they deadly, deadly feared, but failed another they never thought of having any problem. It took many years before they understood such mystery. He simply looked somebody who misbehaved and said crossbridge. Regular using of the phrase made them to understand what he meant.  Then one day he was in the class when a girl came very late. She came in with a phone glued to her cheeks, and along her way to the seat shoved the old Prof against his shoulder and went uncaring without apology. She exuded the pride and impression of superiority to other girls and even some lecturers. She was haughty and arrogated herself the prestige of the ‘most beautiful girl’ of the college after she won the trophy of the National Universities Queen Beauty Contest. Turning from the whiteboard the Professor said, “Gorgeous apparition,” shaking his head in mischief. “Crossbridge,” he simply said and went on. That girl had to fail nine modules that year (carryover).

The class was full to brim waiting the lecturer to arrive. For the past thirty odd years when he started as a junior lecturer, he never missed his class for a minute late. He came to the class ahead of time and waited the clock to tick there. Teaching was his entire life, his breathing. When he was operated in the hospital last year, the doctor thought it would be at his convenience if he could stop for some days in the hospital. But next morning upon the completion of the operation, he went to school for lecture. There he swapped way with the students who came to visit him upon learning his illness. 

Papers tucked in his arm and was striding briskly waving off greetings from the students and colleagues he met. Some entourage of students was following him to ask some questions, jogging up to catch up with the Professor.

“Please sir, about your lecture yesterday on Philosophy,” one student chipped feeling very little.

 “Go ahead,” he said concentrating towards the class. He broke into jog when he finally checked his time and found only few minutes remained.

“About the relationship between body and soul.” Professor Kassim Yahaya felt an educated part of him in Philosophy was pressed. He often asked the students if they could tell any difference that exists between soul, mind and heart.

“Metaphysics,” he egged on. “That will take a whole semester your little mind did not understand. I prepare lecture on that every year. You can take my Divinity courses I talk a lot about it there.”  He said stepping onto the veranda of the lecture room. 

He was not surprised to see the hall filled, with the number of young men and woman multiplied about three times yesterday’s attendance. Classes were often dried up but his lecture was always congested. His previous lecture on Religious Symbology in Modern Sciences left many nodding their heads in staggering astonishment. It took them to a new world and quite unchartered territory. After the lecture they immediately became aware of knowledge in plain view they didn’t bother to consider previously.


“How many of you here believe in any religion?” the first thing he asked standing before the class. Puzzled looks registered across faces despite the scores of hands that went up. The reason for asking was a question a student asked when the Prof entered, seeking further explanation on a debate he had with his friend: lot of people were slipping into pre-Christian practices in the guise of modernity.

“It’s damn true,” the Prof said. “You will be surprise if I tell the manifestations of pagan practices in your daily life.” The class fell silent. This was of course the man they had been hearing about. “You worship multiple gods. I ‘m afraid, you are fresh and this may blow off your minds.”

“Tell us,” shouts erupted. From middle of the front row a girl was whispering something in her neighbor’s ear when silence restored and the Professor was able to hear the scratches of her last words.

 “You,” he stopped the lecture abruptly, “stand up.” Eyes followed the direction of his pointing finger.

“I,” one girl asked reluctantly.

“No,” he pointed back. “The one in blue.”  He specified and the sea of eyes showered on her, heads turning back.

“What were you telling her?”

“Nothing sir,” she denied.

“Do not lie,” he urged. He had low tolerance for lie.

He asked the girl whom the words were whispered to stand up, “tell the class what she was telling you.”

Without hesitation she said, “Sir she told me you are…” she was damn struck shut.

“Blasphemous,” he completed. “I heard what she was telling.” The class grew eager to hear what he had to tell.  “You’re not the first to say this for many had said it before you. And you won’t be the last for many more would say it again.”

“Do you know what she was saying, class?” He asked.

“Share with us.” One kinky guy yelled from the back.

“Even yesterday I heard students say it, unknown to them I was within earshot. She was saying I ‘m not religious.” He went on to quote the girl, ‘see this Professor as old as he’s, he is not yet married.’   He mimicked her feministic voice and coquettish gesture, slanging his hand close to his chest. The class burst into rancorous laughter, enjoying the scene seeing Professor act like sissy.  

“Now,” he turned to respond. “Young lady you don’t have to worry I’m married to three wives.”

“Ah…no Professor.” The class shouted in protest. They were told that the Professor was unmarried for years and now he was telling them something different.

“I’m married to books, surfing and teaching. It’s only your narrow minds that could not understand.” Laughing again. The Professor knew the significance of bachelorhood. He travelled on academic tour without being disturbed from home, and while at home he enjoyed himself in the sort of excellent books.

“And if you’re talking of religion, I’m the follower of four different faiths.” Nonsense, religion was the matter of only one choice. “I’m more devoted than any of you here,” silence. “I go to the temple on Thursday, mosque on Friday, synagogue on Saturday and church on Sunday.”

“Sir,” one boy shot up. “Religion doesn’t work like this.”

“What if I tell you this, in a hazardous undertaking multiple insurance policies are better than one.”

“Exactly Prof,” somebody shouted in his support.

He smiled it off and continued. “Back to our lesson. Yes, you’ll be worshiping other gods when you commit yourself religiously to other things - say computer for example, imagine how young chaps spend gross time on facebook or twitter,” instantly they began to realize how they unwittingly worshipped the networking sites.

“Please who can help with the definition of worship,” so they could see the point clearly.
Many hands wound up. “Yes, you,” he pointed.

“Worship is the great devotion or excessive love and admiration or respect felt for someone or something.”

“Good, sit down,” he went on. “You could believe if I tell you that you are devoting much of your time to your gadgets. Class,” he called out “your computer and cellphones are your deities you toil 24/7 devoting.  Put it another way, worship is an origin of old English ‘weortscipe’ – condition of worth.” Heads went down as students began taking notes. “ ‘Weorth’…worth, now imagined it. Respect and devotion.”  

“In the next few minutes,” he continued, “you will get to understand that you’re dripping into paganism despite your claim of modernism.” Crazy. “Symbol reveals different meanings according to situations. Only few will now realize that you’re embracing pagan practices.”

“You mean devil worship, Masonic?” Satanic symbol in our modern times, one student wondered.

“The word pagan doesn't mean devil worship, it’s the 14th century Latin word paganus - ‘rural,’ ‘district,’ ‘villager’ or ‘country-dweller’.” The class hushed as the Professor  explained. Now the history department in his head was set in motion. “This then shifted to mean ‘civilian’ or ‘rural dwellers’ that clung to the Nature Worship. Cited from Brown,”  he referred them, “the ancient held their world in two halves. The masculine and feminine. Their gods and goddesses kept the world together. The belief was that when men and women were balanced, the world would be in harmony. For the ancient beliefs, the world lives in harmony when men and women are balanced, the mason fraternity adherents of our times had to reinforce the earlier beliefs of their ancient brotherhood by championing modern women right movements.”

 “Could you imagine if tell you these pagans sought knowledge and contradicted the earlier claims by religion. They were in   constant crisis and hunted by the church.  They went underground only to reappear as a powerful multilateral organizations, business magnets and intellectuals who set the goal of putting the world into a mission called ‘New World Order based on free world, open-mindedness,  and a creed that doesn’t discriminate anybody regardless of race, culture, and tolerance.” Now they began to see the origin of modern creeds: The women right struggles, free-world, tolerance and sort of doctrines like these. “They’re determined to set policies that ever undermine faiths.”

 “I assume most of you are offering Dr. Said Dukawa’s International Studies?” heads nodded. “You treated topics such as globalization, religious tolerance and so forth. Tell me what he said about religious tolerance as a factor of bringing different beliefs to integrate into a global village?”

“Willing to live with people from different ‘coalchore’,” the Prof strained his ears in apparent disappointment, “and beliefs without one forcing his own upon others.” The girl spoke with heavy southern Nigerian accent.

“Please could someone help with this new word?” he said with playful earnestness hoping to make vivid correction.  The class nonplused, new word? “Young lady, I will be glad if you can spell the word which came after religion,” ‘coalchore’ she mispronounced the correct sound of the word, culture.

She started aloud, “c…u…l…t…,” ehm,  he said scribbling each letter on the board, “u…r…e,” instantly the word ‘culture’ materialized on the board.

“Oh you mean culture? I will never understand” he said playfully. “Young lady,” he realized it would benefit all if he would address the whole students, “ class for your information, if you mean the word which means belief, custom, practices and social behavior of a people, the correct pronunciation is …culture” He said the word and wrote the prescription on the board. [kúlchər].

“And what did you learn here?” now referring to religious tolerance.

“In this civilized integrated world we don’t need to expose our beliefs publically.”

“And this translates into…?” he guided hopefully, lest the students would get it by themselves.

“When we are civilized enough we can only show our religious beliefs in churches and mosques and leave them there if we are going out.”

“That’s it all. Now can’t you see that Illuminati always claims civilization. And by your civilization, you are always pagan in public life.” He shrugged, letting his arms falling down to make a muffled sound on his sides. “The ancient Illuminati had been in constant loggerhead with the religion because they challenged some propositions put forth by the church, now they came out to weaken the influence of religion. I don’t know if you understand that the illuminati had succeeded already because only one religion can rise up against the secular policies introduced by the New World Order.” He observed.

“According to Robert,” now referring to the topic of practicing pre-Christian acts “As homage to the goddess Venus, the pagan Greeks used to organize their Olympic game to celebrate its eight-year circle. Now a small number of you can understand the four year schedule of modern Olympic game which still followed the half circle of Venus is a pagan practice.”  Heads were still nodding in amazing discovery, “It’s also Masonic rituals believing in the High Power,” reference to the revered Uranus the Greco-Roman god of the sky. “I don’t know if you can count seeing Professional athletes pointing their hands skyward when they made a score?”  

“Freemasons encourage intellectuality and they are pagans, right?” The class nodded. “Their view is that intellectualism allows one to open his mind and investigate the true nature of things.” Remembrance of the previous lectures on History and Philosophy of Science, Occult Symbology and Modern Physics came to minds. “Science is opposed to blind acceptance. Composed of enlightened minds, the brotherhood as an intellectual body believed that the dogma disgorged by religion was mankind’s remarkable obstacle for scientific progress and knowledge which would ultimately let human being to wallow in abyss darkness.” It’s nowadays fashionable seeing intellectuals rejecting any faith because they amassed knowledge they could not control. 

“With knowledge the world is witnessing a remarkable breakthrough that people could control the world’s destiny. They’re able to do whatever they want in the techno-advanced world where the word ‘impossible’ is removed from usage. Even the impossible is made possible for the belief that once the idea is conceived as a dream, the unimaginable is now possible in view of the fact that it has ever been dreamt of.” But whatever man dreamt and achieved has been achieved because God had made it to be possible. “Man is no longer in need of divine destiny to guide him. Knowledge is spread everywhere, on the mother Earth, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and all other planets. Whatever one thinks is difficult or impossible; it is only that because of man’s limited contact with the wider diverse universe. He might travel to another planet and finds his answers, new discovery where he could discover the untapped human potential reserved in an uncharted territory. Even those who did not believe in hereafter couldn’t because they did not go there. And it’s because none of them went and came back to tell the story that is why such people belie the situation. But they could do one thing: why not leave some information on the invincible cybernet as a proof, since the world is always evolving, so that upon their return to the world after years of evolving as renewed creatures maybe as inanimate or other living being and whenever they returned as human being so they can find that information as a mark to confirm their original being once again. With only this proof when they come back they can confirm if there is no hereafter at all.” The Professor was packing as the lecture was moving to an end.

“It’s from such travel to another planet that man came with a souvenir.  Edgar D. Mitchell,  a US astronaut who in 1972, upon his return from the Apollo 14 mission founded the Institute of Noetic Science in Palo Alto, California. The institute studies psyche phenomena in scientific situations.” he faced the class attentively.  Too much money made people not carry money, this Professor needed no book before he delivered and cited references from memory with many departments in his head.

“How many among you had ever read materials about Ancient Science?” no hand up,  “Neural Physics,”again no hand, he continued mentioning titles. “Psychic Exploration: A Challenge for Science,” still the class was muted; apparently nobody had heard such things before this time. 

“Any idea about Noetic Science?” he asked. Heads went down to check the word noetic in the cellphones  dictionary. “No, you don’t have to check; the word is not found in the dictionary.”

 Mad, what have we got to do with that, the students thought. We’re not science students after all. He had wanted to refer them to some relevant materials earlier on, but the fear of being disappointed deterred him.

“Class you are actually not prepared to learn anything. I wonder having a graduate without reading any other book other than those in the curriculum and calls himself a graduate.” Now sometimes students assume science and art are hostile entities that came to oppose each other forever, and never try to get the two, not knowing that the two are just two simpatico fields taking different approaches to finding the same truths only that science is too little to understand. It argues that there would be no way something will be created from nothing.  The point was that science did not believe in the power of God in creating the universe from nothing. The battle of how universe came to be was struck by one of the fundamental laws of Physics which held that matter cannot be created out of nothing. Every creation, according to Physics, was from energy: and God Almighty was the ultimate source of power and energy. It was from this that the Prof often took amusement in the ignorance of some students and his colleagues.

“Why do you study Physics?” He asked his science students on the first lecture.

“Why if not to go to the lab and create tools.” They replied and the Prof chuckled, they didn’t know that physics had set initially to investigate how real the existence of God. Physics always believes that one plus one is always two but in faith there are sometimes variations.

The Professor had recently worked on several materials about Noetic Science from different sources. Psychokinesis is the ability to influence inanimate objects by willpower. There were recent reports that someone was able to cause a laboratory needle to move as if a weight had been put on one pan. The man could hypothetically bend spoons and keys by mind power. However, critics have noted that he’s by Profession a stage magician and that other magicians have done these by sleight of hand and a little ingenious technology. Precognition is the ability to forecast events, a capacity parallel to fortune-telling and occultism, one of the most enthusiastic study of parapsychological phenomena. But whatever the case, Magic is an authentic knowledge, because during the ancient time man collaborated with devils to perform some miracles perhaps by then the devil folk were more advanced in knowledge than man. Ancient magicians obscured their knowledge from others for the fear it might get into the wrong hand. Exactly like what the nuclear powers are obscuring the technology for the same fear that it may get into the wrong hand that would destroy the world. Now as man is advanced he can do such magic with proof.

Already the world had witnessed the invention of Brain Computer  Interface device  which basically uses neuro-tech to allow man manipulate things using his brain, allowing a user to perform tasks by brain cell activity alone. The Neural Interface System, allows a paralyzed man to move a computer cursor, draw shapes, and play video games simply by imagining the movements in his mind. This is of course magic by proof.

“Some of your ill-informed friends in Pentagon,” referring to the building housing the faculty of science and its technology departments at the old wing of the campus, “think to study science for the sake of science and never having an idea of using their empiricism and symmetry to accurately arrest life challenges. They only take science as science, ignorant of the fact that science branched off from the art. The two are one thing and the same only that one takes empirical approach to investigate nature while the other is dealing with the sheer belief and faith. Now the two are reconciling as they are working together, the physics particles are blending with mysticism, science meets philosophy, mind over mass, in a new discipline called Noetic Science. Science is always art, because any scientific idea was initially conceived as a dream before it was transformed into reality, and dream is fantasy and fantasy is art and art is magic.” He adjusted his posture and continued. “The only problem with you guys” referring to both the art and science students, “is that you don’t even know that knowledge is circles within circles that anything is connected to anything so that not everyone knows anything.”

“Our brothers and sisters in the science department are still groping their way in Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry and Medicine whereas people in other places are turning a new page into Noetic Science. The world had completed its full 2nd intellectual rotation – starting a whole new Renaissance. Knowledge is completing its cyclical phase after long journey to arrive one more time at the starting point. This new discovery of Noetic Science is proving the unimaginable into reality. Magic by proof as   more mystic and super-high technologies are blending to form shocking realities as data is poured in -  all supporting the ideology of Noetic Science, the untapped potential of human mind. Our thoughts interact with the physical world where man can manipulate objects by the intention of his mind, like the miraculous stuff we see in the movies such as Merlin, Harry Potter, and Lord of the Rings.” The curiosity to watch the movies one more time aroused in the students.

“Sir I don’t understand this actually,” the question represented many minds.

“Let me quote,” he said “according to Professor D. Brown, Noetic Science fanatic and ancient wisdom aficionado.  ‘Our thought…’”  he continued, “‘any tiny idea that forms in our mind actually has mass. If thought is an actual thing, then it is a measurable entity. If a thought has mass then a thought can exert gravity and pull things towards it’. This is how it works.”


Man is now the master of his universe through knowledge where some people began to feel they are demi-gods for making the unimaginable into staggering possibilities. The Prof collected his things and tucked them back to his armpit. He reached to the door and turned, “assignment, “he shouted, “my question today is do you think it’s possible to create a new technology during the third world’s intellectual rotation capable of suspending the next day from coming since man can control the destiny of his universe?

Tuesday 17 June 2014

Let’s Tell This Story Properly



Let’s Tell This Story Properly
The Overall Winner of the 2014 Commonwealth Short Story Prize was announced in Kampala, Uganda, on Friday 13 June. In partnership with Commonwealth Writers, the winning entry, ‘Let’s Tell This Story Properly’ by Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi.


If you go inside Nnam’s house right now the smell of paint will choke you but she enjoys it. She enjoys it the way her mother loved the smell of the outside toilet, a pit latrine, when she was pregnant. Her mother would sit a little distance away from the toilet doing her chores, or eating, and disgusting everyone until the baby was born. But Nnam is not pregnant. She enjoys the smell of paint because her husband Kayita died a year ago, but his scent lingered, his image stayed on objects and his voice was absorbed in the bedroom walls: every time Nnam lay down to sleep, the walls played back his voice like a record. This past week, the paint has drowned Kayita’s odour and the bedroom walls have been quiet. Today, Nnam plans to wipe his image off the objects.
A week ago Nnam took a month off work and sent her sons, Lumumba and Sankara, to her parents in Uganda for Kayita’s last funeral rites. That is why she is naked. Being naked, alone with silence in the house, is therapy. Now Nnam understands why when people lose their minds the first impulse is to strip naked. Clothes are constricting but you don’t realize until you have walked naked in your house all day, every day for a week.
*
Kayita died in the bathroom with his pants down. He was forty-five years old and should have pulled up his pants before he collapsed. The more shame because it was Easter. Who dies naked on Easter?
That morning, he got up and swung his legs out of bed. He stood up but then sat down as if he had been pulled back. Then he put his hand on his chest and listened. Nnam, lying next to the wall, propped her head on her elbow and said,
‘What?’
‘I guess I’ve not woken up yet,’ he yawned,
‘Then come back to bed.’
But Kayita stood up and wrapped a towel around his waist. At the door he turned to Nnam and said,
‘Go back to sleep: I’ll give the children their breakfast.’
Lumumba woke her up. He needed the bathroom but ‘Dad won’t come out.’ Nnam got out of bed cursing the builders who put the bathroom and the toilet in the same room. She knocked and opened the bathroom door saying, ‘It’s only me.’
Kayita lay on the floor with his head near the heater, his stomach on the bathroom mat, one end of the towel inside the toilet bowl, the other on the floor, him totally naked save for the briefs around the ankles.
Nnam did not scream. Perhaps she feared that Lumumba would come in and see his father naked. Perhaps it was because Kayita’s eyes were closed like he had only fainted. She closed the door and calling his name, pulled his briefs up. She took the towel out of the toilet bowl and threw it in the bath tub. Then she shouted,
‘Get me the phone, Lum.’
She held the door closed when Lumumba gave it to her.
‘Get me your father’s gown too,’ she said, dialling.
She closed the door and covered Kayita with his grey gown.
On the phone, the nurse told her what to do while she waited for the ambulance to arrive.
‘Put him in recovery position . . . keep him warm . . . you need to talk to him . . . make sure he can hear you . . .’
When the paramedics arrived, Nnam explained that the only thing she had noticed was Kayita falling back in bed that morning. Tears gathered a bit when she explained to the boys, ‘Daddy is unwell but he’ll be fine.’
She got dressed and rang a friend to come and pick up the boys. When the paramedics emerged from the bathroom, they had put an oxygen mask on Kayita which reassured her. Because the friend had not arrived to take the boys, Nnam did not go with the ambulance. The paramedics would ring to let her know which hospital had admitted Kayita.
*
When she arrived in Casualty, a receptionist told her to sit and wait. Then a young nurse came and asked,
‘Did you come with someone?’
Nnam shook her head and the nurse disappeared. After a few moments, the same nurse returned and asked,
‘Are you driving?’
She was and the nurse went away again.
‘Mrs Kayita?’
Nnam looked up.
‘Come with me.’ It was an African nurse. ‘The doctor working on your husband is ready.’
She led Nnam to a consultation room and told her to sit down.
‘The doctor will be with you shortly,’ and closed the door behind her.
Presently, a youngish doctor wearing blue scrubs came in and introduced himself.
‘Mrs Kayita, I am sorry we could not save your husband; he was dead on arrival.’ His voice was velvety. ‘There was nothing we could do. I am sorry for your loss.’ His hands crossed each other and settled on the chest. Then one hand pinched his lips, ‘Is there anything we can do?’
In Britain grief is private – you know how women throw themselves about howling this, screaming that back home? None of that. You can’t force your grief on other people. When Nnam was overcome she ran to the toilet and held onto the sink. As she washed her face to walk out, she realised that she did not have her handbag. She went back to the consultation room. The African nurse was holding it.
Her name was Lesego. Was there something she could do? Nnam shook her head. Is there someone you need me to call? You cannot drive in this state. Before Nnam said no Lesego said,
‘Give me your phone.’
Nnam passed it to her.
She scrolled down the contacts calling out the names. When Nnam nodded at a name, Lesego rang the number and said, – I am calling from Manchester Royal infirmary . . . I am sorry to inform you that . . . Mrs Kayita is still here . . . yes of course . . . I’ll stay with her until you arrive.
Leaving the hospital was the hardest. You know when you get those two namasasana bananas joined together by the skin and you rip them apart and eat one? That is how Nnam felt.
*
Nnam starts cleaning in the bathroom. The floor has been replaced by blue mini mosaic vinyl. Rather than the wash basket, she puts the toilet mats in the bin. She goes to the cupboard to get clean ones. Instead she picks up all the toilet mats there are and stuffs them in the bin too: Kayita’s stomach died on one of them. Then she bleaches the bathtub, the sink and the toilet bowl. She unhooks the shower curtain and stuffs it into the bin too. When she opens the cabinet, she finds Kayita’s anti-beard-bumps powder, a shaver and cologne. They go into the bin. Mould has collected on the shelves inside the cabinet. She unhooks the cabinet off the wall and takes it to the front door. She will throw it outside later. When she returns, the bathroom is more spacious and breezy. She ties the bin-liner up and takes that to the front door as well.
Kayita had had two children before he met Nnam. He had left them in Uganda with their mother but his relationship with their mother had ended long before he met Nnam. On several occasions Nnam asked him to bring the children to Britain but he said,
Kdt, you don’t know their mother; the children are her cash cow.’
Still Nnam was uneasy about his children being deprived of their father. She insisted that he rang them every weekend: she even bought the phone cards. When he visited, she sent them clothes.
Kayita had adapted well to the changing environment of a Western marriage unlike other Ugandan men, married to women who emigrated before they did. Many such marriages strained when a groom, fresh from home, was ‘culture-shocked’ and began to feel emasculated by a Britain-savvy wife. Kayita had no qualms about assuming a domestic role when he was not working. They could only afford a small wedding, they could only afford two children. At the end of the month they pooled their salaries together: Kayita worked for G4S so his money was considerably smaller but he tried to offset this by doing a lot of overtime. After paying the bills and other households, they deducted monies to send home to his children and sometimes for issues in either family – someone has died, someone is sick, someone is getting married.
Nnam had bought a nine-acre tract of land in rural Kalule before she met Kayita. After decades in Manchester, she dreamt of retiring in rural Uganda. But when Kayita came along, he suggested that they buy land in Kampala and build a city house first.
‘Why build a house we are not going to live in for the next two decades in rural Kalule where no one will rent it? The rent from the city house will be saved to build the house in Kalule.’
It made sense.
They bought a piece of land at Nsangi. But Nnam’s father, who purchased it for them, knew that most of the money came from his daughter. He put the title deed in her name. When Kayita protested that he was being sidelined, Nnam told her father to put everything in Kayita’s name.
Because they could not afford the fare for the whole family to visit, Kayita was the one who flew to Uganda regularly to check on the house. However it was largely built by Nnam’s father, the only person she could trust with their money and who was an engineer. When the house was finished, Kayita found the tenants to rent it. That was in 1990, six years before his death. They had had the same tenants all that time. Nnam had been to see the house and had met the tenants.
Nnam is cleaning the bedroom now. The windowsill is stained. Kayita used to put his wallet, car keys, spectacles and G4S-pass on the windowsill at night. Once he put a form near the window while it was open. It rained and the paper got soaked. The ink melted and the colour spread on the windowsill discolouring it. Nnam sprays Muscle cleaner on the stains but the ink will not budge. She goes for the bleach.
She clears out the old handbags and shoes from the wardrobe’s floor. She had sent Kayita’s clothes to a charity shop soon after the burial, but she finds a belt and a pair of his underwear behind the bags. Perhaps they are the reason his scent has persisted. After cleaning, she drops a scented tablet on the wardrobe floor.
Ugandans rallied around her during that first week of Kayita’s death. The men took over the mortuary issues, the women took care of the home, while Nnam floated between weeping and sleeping. They arranged the funeral service in Manchester and masterminded the fundraising drive saying,
‘We are not burying one of us in snow.’
Throughout that week, women who worked shifts slept at Nnam’s house looking after the children then going to work. People brought food and money in the evening and prayed and sang. Two of her friends took leave and bought tickets to fly back to Uganda with her.
It was when she was buying the tickets that she wondered where the funeral would be held in Uganda as their house had tenants. She rang and asked her father. He said that Kayita’s family was not forthcoming about the arrangements.
‘Not forthcoming?’
‘Evasive.’
‘But why?’
‘They are peasants, Nnameya; you knew that when you married him.’
Nnam kept quiet. Her father was like that. He never liked Kayita. Kayita had neither the degrees nor the right background.
‘Bring Kayita home; we’ll see when you get here,’ he said finally.
As soon as she saw Kayita’s family at Entebbe Airport, Nnam knew that something was wrong. They were not the brothers she had met before and they were unfriendly. When she asked her family where Kayita’s real family was they said, ‘That’s the real family.’
Nnam scratched her chin for a long time. There were echoes in her ears.
When the coffin was released from customs, Kayita’s family took it, loaded it on a van they had brought and drove off.
Nnam was mouth-open shocked.
‘Do they think I killed him? I have the post-mortem documents.’
‘Post-mortem, who cares?’
‘Perhaps he was ashamed of his family,’ Nnam was beginning to blame her father’s snobbery. ‘Perhaps they think we’re snobs.’
She got into one of her family’s cars to drive after Kayita’s brothers.
‘No, not snobbery,’ Meya, Nnam’s oldest brother said quietly. Then he turned to Nnam who sat in the back seat and said, ‘I think you need to be strong Nnameya.’
Instead of asking what do you mean, Nnam twisted her mouth and clenched her teeth as if anticipating a blow.
‘Kayita is . . . was married. He has the two older children he told you about, but in the few times he returned, he has had two other children with his wife.’
Nnam did not react. Something stringy was stuck between her lower front teeth. Her tongue, irritated, kept poking at it. Now she picked at it with her thumbnail.
‘We only found out when he died but father said we wait to tell you until you are home with family.’
In the car were three of her brothers, all older than her. Her sisters were in another car behind. Her father and the boys were in another; uncles and aunts were yet in another. Nnam was silent.
‘We need to stop them and ask how far we are going in case we need to fill the tank,’ another brother pointed at the van with the coffin.
Still Nnam remained silent. She was a kiwuduwudu, a dismembered torso – no feelings.
They came to Ndeeba roundabout and the coffin van veered into Masaka Road. In Ndeeba town, near the timber shacks, they overtook the van and flagged it down. Nnam’s brothers jumped out of the car and went to Kayita’s family. Nnam still picked at the irritating something in her teeth. Ndeeba was recognisable by its mouldy smell of half-dry timber and sawdust.
Heavy planks fell on each other and rumbled. Planks being cut sounded like a lawnmower. She looked across the road at the petrol station with a carwash and smiled, You need to be strong Nnameya as if she had an alternative.
‘How far we are going?’ Meya asked Kayita’s brothers. ‘We might need to fill the tank.’
‘Only to Nsangi,’ one of them replied.
‘Don’t try to lose us: we shall call the police.’
The van drove off rudely. When the three brothers returned to their car they informed Nnam.
‘They are taking him to Nsangi, Nnam;I thought your house in Nsangi is rented out?’
Like a dog pricking up its ears, Nnam sat up. Her eyes moved from one brother to another to another, as if the answer was written on their faces.
‘Get me father on the phone,’ she said.
Meya set the phone on speaker. When their father’s voice came Nnam asked,
‘Father, do you have the title deeds for the house in Nsangi?’
‘They are in the safe deposit.’
‘Are they in his name?’
‘Am I stupid?’
Nnam closed her eyes. ‘Thanks father thanks father thanks thank you.’
He did not reply.
‘When was rent last paid?’
‘Three weeks ago. Where are you?’
‘Don’t touch it, father,’ she said. ‘We’re in Ndeeba. We’re not spending any more money on this funeral. His family will bury him: I don’t care whether they stuff him into a hole. They are taking him to Nsangi.’
‘Nsangi? It does not make sense.’
‘Neither to us.’
When Nnam switched off the phone she said to her brothers, ‘The house is safe,’ as if they had not heard. ‘Now they can hold the vigil in a cave if they please.’
The brothers did not respond.
‘When we get there,’ there was life in Nnam’s voice now, ‘You shall find out what is going on; I’ll be in the car. Then you shall take me back to town: I need to go to a good salon and pamper myself. Then I’ll get a good busuuti and dress up. I am not a widow anymore.’
‘There is no need . . .’ Meya began.
‘I said I am going to a salon to do my hair, my nails and my face. But first I’ll have a bath and a good meal. We’ll see about the vigil later.’
Then she laughed as if she was demented.
‘I’ve just remembered,’ she coughed and hit her chest to ease it. ‘When we were young,’ she swallowed hard, ‘remember how people used to say that we Ganda women are property-minded? Apparently, when a husband dies unexpectedly, the first thing you do is to look for the titles of ownership, contracts, car logbook and keys and all such things. You wrap them tight in a cloth and wear them as a sanitary towel. When they are safe between your legs, you let off a rending cry, Bazze wange!
Her brothers laughed nervously.
‘As soon as I realised that my house was threatened – pshooo,’ she made a gesture of wind whizzing over her head. ‘Grief, pain, shock – gone.’
*
As the red brick double-storeyed house in Nsangi came into view, Nnam noted with trepidation that the hedge and compound were taken good care of. When the coffin van drove in Kayita’s people, excitable, surrounded it. The women cried their part with clout. Kayita’s wife’s wail stood out: a lament for a husband who had died alone in the cold. The crying was like a soundtrack to Kayita’s coffin being offloaded and carried into the house. But then the noise receded. Nnam had just confirmed that Kayita’s wife had been the tenant all along. She had met her. Kayita had been paying his wife’s rent with Nnam’s money. Nnam held her mouth in disbelief.
‘Kayita was not a thief; he was a murderer.’ She twisted her mouth again.
Even then, the heart is a coward – Nnam was frightened. Travelling was over. The reality of her situation stared straight in her face.
Her sisters too arrived. They came and sat in the car with her. Her father, the boys, her uncles and aunts parked outside the compound. They were advised not to get out of their cars. The situation would not stop staring Nnam in the face.
She did not even see an old man come over. He had bent low and was peering inside the car when she noticed him. He introduced himself as Kayita’s father. He addressed Nnam,
‘I understand you are the woman who has been living with my son in London.’
‘Manchester,’ one of Nnam’s sisters corrected rudely.
‘Manchester, London, New York, they are like flies to me: I can’t tell male from female.’ The old man turned back to Nnam. ‘You realise Kayita had a wife.’ Before Nnam answered he carried on, ‘Can you allow her to have this last moment with her husband with dignity. We do not expect you to advertise your presence. The boys however, we accept. We’ll need to show them to the clan when you’re ready.’
The sisters were speechless. Nnam watched the man walk back to her house.
The two friends from Manchester arrived and came to the car where Nnam sat. At that point, Nnam decided to confront her humiliation. She looked in to the eyes of her friends and explained the details of Kayita’s deception the way a doctor explains the extent of infection to a patient. There was dignity in her explaining it to them herself.
*
There is nothing much to clean in the kitchen but she pulls out all the movable appliances to clean out the accumulated grime and rubbish. Under the sink, hidden behind the shopping bags, is Kayita’s mug. Nnam bought it on their fifth wedding anniversary – World’s Best Husband. She takes it to the front door and puts it into a bin. On top of the upper cabinets are empty tins of Quality Street that Kayita treated himself to at Christmas. Kayita had a sweet tooth: he loved muffins, ice-cream, ginger nuts and éclairs. He hoarded the tins saying that one day they would need them. Nnam smiles as she takes the tins to the front door – Kayita’s tendency to hoard things now makes sense.
Nnam, her friends and family returned to the funeral at around 11 p.m. Where she sat, she was able to observe Kayita’s wife. The woman looked old enough to be her mother. That observation, rather than give her satisfaction, stung. Neither the pampering nor the expensive busuuti and expensive jewellery and British airs could keep away the pain that Kayita had remained loyal to such a woman. It dented her well choreographed air of indifference. Every time she looked at his wife, it was not jealousy that wrung her heart: it was the whisper of you were not good enough.
Just then, her aunt, the one who prepared her for marriage, came to whisper tradition. She leaned close and said,
‘When a husband dies you must wear a sanitary towel immediately. As he is wrapped for burial, it is placed on his genitals so that he does not return for . . .’
‘Fuck that shit!’
‘I was only . . . ’
‘Fuck it,’ Nnam did not bother in Luganda.
The aunt melted away.
*
As more of Nnam’s relations arrived so did a gang of middle-aged women. Nnam did not know who invited them. One thing was clear though; they were angry. Apparently, Nnam’s story was common. They had heard about her plight and had come to her aid. The women looked like former, nkuba kyeyo – the broom swinging economic immigrants to the West. They were dressed expensively. They mixed Luganda and English as if the languages were sisters. They wore weaves or wigs. Their makeup was defiant as if someone had dared to tell them off. Some were bleached. They unloaded crates of beer and cartons of Uganda Waragi. They brought them to the tent where Nnam sat with her family and started sharing out. One of them came to her and asked,
‘You are the Nnameya from Manchester?’ She had a raspy voice like she loved her Waragi.
Nnam nodded and the woman leaned closer.
‘If you want to do crying widow thing, go ahead, but leave the rest to us.’
‘Do I look like I am crying?’
The woman laughed triumphantly. It was as if she had been given permission to do whatever she wanted to do. Nnam decided that the gang were business women, perhaps single mothers, wealthy and bored.
Just then a cousin of Nnam arrived. It was clear she carried burning news. She sat next to Nnam and whispered,
‘Yours are the only sons.’
She rubbed her hands as though Nnam had just won the lottery. She turned her head and pointed with her mouth towards Kayita’s widow. ‘Hers are daughters only.’
Nnam smiled. She turned and whispered to her family, ‘Lumumba is the heir. Our friend has no sons,’ and a current of joy rippled through the tent as her family passed on the news.
At first the gang of women mourned quietly, drinking their beer and enquiring about Britain as if they had come to the vigil out of goodness towards Kayita. At around two o’clock when the choir got tired, one of the women, stood up.
‘Fellow mourners,’ she started in a gentle voice as if she was bringing the good tidings of resurrection.
A reverent hush fell over the mourners.
‘Let’s tell this story properly,’ she paused. ‘There is another woman in this story.’
Stunned silence.
‘There are also two innocent children in the story.’
Amiina mwattu.’ The amens from the gang could have been coming from evangelists.
‘But I’ll start with the woman’s story.’
According to her, the story started when Nnam’s parents sent her to Britain to study and better herself. She had worked hard and studied and saved but along came a liar and a thief.
‘She was lied to,’ the woman with a raspy voice interrupted impatiently. She stood up as if the storyteller was ineffectual. ‘He married her – we have the pictures, we have the video. He even lied to her parents – look at that shame!’
‘Come on,’ the interrupted woman protested gently. ‘I was unwrapping the story properly: you are tearing into it.’
‘Sit down: we don’t have all night,’ the raspy woman said.
The gentle woman sat down. The other mourners were still dumbfounded by the women’s audacity.
‘A clever person asks,’ the raspy woman carried on. ‘Where did Kayita get the money to build such a house when he is just broom swinging in Britain? Then you realise that ooooh, he’s married a rich woman, a proper lawyer in Manchester.’
‘How does she know all that?’ Nnam whispered to her cousin.
‘Hmmm, words have legs.’
‘He told her that he was not married but this wife here knew what was going on,’ the woman was saying. ‘Does anyone here know the shock this woman is going through? No, why, because she is one of those women who emigrated? For those who do not know, this is her house built with her money. I am finished.’
There was clapping as she sat down and grabbed her beer. The mourning ambiance of the funeral had now turned to the excitement of a political rally.
‘Death came like a thief,’ a woman with a squeaky voice stood up. ‘It did not knock to alert Kayita. The curtain blew away and what filth!’
‘If this woman had not fought hard to bring Kayita home, the British would have burnt him. They don’t joke. They have no space to waste on unclaimed bodies. But has anyone had the grace to thank her? No. Instead, Kayita’s father tells her to shut up. What a peasant!’
The gang had started throwing words about haphazardly. It could turn into throwing insults. An elder came to calm them down.
‘You have made your point, mothers of the nation, and I add it is a valid point because let’s face it, he lied to her and as you say, there are two innocent children involved.’
‘But first let us see the British wife,’ a woman interrupted him. ‘Her name is Nnameya. Let the world see the woman this peasant family has used like arse wipes.’
Nnam did not want to stand up but she did not want to seem ungrateful to the women’s effort. She stood up head held high.
‘Come,’ a drunk woman grabbed her hand and led her through the mourners into the living room. ‘Look at her,’ she said to Kayita’s family.
The mourners, even those who had been at the back of the house, had come to stare at Nnam. She looked away from the coffin because tears were letting down her ‘hold your head high’ stance.
‘Stealing from me I can live with, but what about my children?’
At that moment the gang’s confrontational attitude fell away and they shook their heads and wiped their eye and sucked their teeth,
‘The children indeed . . . Abaana maama . . .yiyi but men also . . . this lack of choice to whom you’re born to . . . who said men are human . . .’
The vigil had turned in favour of Nnam.
It was then that Nnam’s eyes betrayed her. She glanced at the open coffin. There is no sight more revolting than a corpse caught telling lies.
*
Nnam is in the lounge. She has finished cleaning. She has taken all the photographs that had been on the walls – wedding, birthdays, school portraits, Christmases – and all the pictures taken before Kayita’s death, whether he is in the picture or not, are separated from the others. She throws them in the bin-bag and ties it. She takes the others to the bedroom. She gets her nightgown and covers her nakedness. Then she takes the bin with the pictures to the front door. She opens the door and the freshness of the air outside hits her. She ferries all the bin-bags, one by one, and places them below the chute’s mouth. She throws down the smaller bin-bags first. They drop as if in a new long drop latrine – the echo is delayed. She breaks the cabinet and drops the bits down. Finally, she stuffs the largest bin-bag, the one with the pictures, down the chute’s throat. The chute chokes. Nnam goes back to the house and brings back a mop. In her mind her father’s recent words are still ringing,
‘We can’t throw them out of the house just like that. There are four innocent children in that house and Lumumba, being Kayita’s eldest son, has inherited all of them. Let’s not heap that guilt on his shoulders’
She uses the handle to dig at the bag. After a while of breaking glass and the frames, the bin-bag falls through. When she comes back to the house, the smell of paint is overwhelming. She takes the mop to the kitchen and washes her hands. Then she opens all the windows and the wind blows the curtains wildly. She takes off the gown and the cool wind blows on her bare skin. She closes her eyes and raises her arms. The sensation of wind on her skin, of being naked, of the silence in a clean house is so overwhelming, but she does not cry.